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You Know What Really Grinds My Gears? Acronyms like APC and JDM
In case you didn’t know, it’s a little over two years since the downfall of American Products Company. APC shut it doors in February of 2007 and eventually sold all their remaining inventory to Pilot Automotive. I imagine it had alot to do with all the fines they were incurring for manufacturing and selling aftermarket lights that failed to meet federal safety standards. That and other companies like TYC/Depo were beginning to come out with their own line of stuff and competition was too much for APC to handle, especially with all the money they were paying back….
Never has a company had such a huge effect cheesing up the automotive aftermarket industry. This is my ode to American Products Company…the company that allowed so many kids to think they were “JDM” without ever selling one product that ever came from Japan. Never has a company also had a name that contradicted itself. American Products Company…..made in Taiwan.
I remember the exact moment when I first saw “Altezza” lights. I recall the guy that was slangin the had a page link for “Altezza-style” Civic taillights. I had no idea what the hell he was talking about. I was collecting Option magazines at that time and drove a Toyota Altezza so I was intrigued. I clicked on the link and remember the image taking forever to load. I was on a 28.8k connection at the time (I was behind on the times) and the image had to be over 1200 pixels. The moment it loaded…oh man, the thought that crossed my mind was clear as day:
“What…the…fuck…is this shit?”
Something very Civic about it in the shape of the light but it’s like they shoved something red inside there that’s really nothing Altezza-like. I was even in my ricer stage at the time and I still hoped that these lights wouldn’t catch on. This was when Pep Boys was experimenting with import/sport compact parts. The first time I saw a set of these sitting on the shelf at my local Pep Boys, I had a sick feeling in my stomach…like the feeling you get when your homie’s cougar mom hits on you. Or maybe even closer to the feeling that 14 year-old girl had the moment she realized R. Kelly was urinating on her. The worst part about it was that APC was so busy riding the money train selling these things that they never bothered to get them DOT approved. That genius of an idea ended up costing them alot of money and ultimately paved the way to their demise. As these lights became popular, they decided to expand on the name. Umm….make fucking EVERYTHING…
I remember when I was working at Kragen Auto Parts when APC shit was blowing up all over the place. It got so big that Kragen, who once was only involved in domestic aftermarket performance, decided that it was their turn to cash in and dedicated an entire section of their store front to strictly APC stuff. At that time, we had Asian person working at my store, he rode a bike everyday and both his parents had mini-vans. He was also the designated “import specialist”. Asians should be insulted that this dude spent the majority of the day peddling this APC garbage to every kid that would listen…
Man, they made EVERYTHING. Neon floorplates, neon underbody kits, Dodge Neon bodykits, racing seats, umm…cigarette lighters, neon in-car post masturbation hand wipes, EVERYTHING. I honestly would have had a little bit more respect for their products had they represented any shape or form of anything manufactured with quality, but that just wasn’t the case. To call it “American” was an insult to Americans who hire illegal aliens to work on my dad’s yard. I think sometimes kids would steal the shit from the store and then bring it back because the parts were trash. You know what always bugged me? People would always buy and/or order an intake for their car. Yes, APC made intakes for everything too. I mean, I would almost be disappointed if they didn’t at that point. But why the fuck was it always yellow? Not the pipe but the silicone boots. And the filter too. I just don’t understand. But now when I think about it, I kinda feel oily and dirty and want to take a shower. That pretty much sums up APC.
I’m pretty sure that APC wasn’t the one that originally came up with this idea but I was flipping through their catalogs one time when I was still working at Kragen and their RSX conversion kit for the Civic coupes. It came with the “C-West” front bumper, conversion fenders, RSX headlights, and “Mugen” hood. I’m happy to say that I’m delighted that this never caught on. It might have been this generations version of the “Cali Type R” that we were so used to seeing as kids. APC was like the ugly girl in highschool that always put out. Everybody boned her, but you never understood why….You would hope that one day she would calm down and not be such a dirty slut, but she was reckless and contracted AIDS, now she’s dead and gone. Here’s my ode to APC, whore bitch of the import industry. APC’s legacy will definitely be forever associated with the “Altezza” taillight craze. It helped spawn a generation of tuners that created the ricer movement. APC windshield banners, Altezza tails, “Mugen Replacement” grilles, and interior accessories galore. You can call them Pep Boys tuners, ricers, noobs, anything you want. But APC did it’s job in making the casual car owner feel like a car builder. The problem with making the casual car owner feel like a car builder is that these kids then believed that they were the Fast and Furious cast come to life. Ricer fly-bys ensued, dangerous street racing, and kids “going JDM”.
(What does that even mean?
I’ll be perfectly honest, I did alot of shit to my cars back then that by today’s standards would be considered ricey. We all gotta start somewhere….Luckily today, kids officially have a badge to notify everyone how incredibly “JDM” they are not being. It’s that damn leaf thingy. Can we stop mounting these every fucking place on your car possible? I’ll admit, the first time I saw it, I thought it was kinda cool…until it spread like the living rash. I can’t go to any kind of car meet or show without at least 45 people either mounting one on their window or sporting the magnetic ones on their fenders. These are usually accompanied by either a set of Drag or Rota front wheels and stocks on the back, and a tow hook that has some sort of stuffed animal hanging from it.
And then you hear these non-tuning ass clowns say:
“I just bought your wakaba (or what ever the fuck it’s called) badge as a joke.”
No the fuck you didn’t. Quit lying. It’s like when you do something stupid unintentionally and you go “Oh I’m just messin around…” and you feel like an idiot ass inside. I also hear a lot of the:
“Oh I don’t care if it’s JDM or not, I just like the way it looks”.
Uhh…what exactly is so cool looking about it? It’s a fucking green and yellow leaf. You know what looks cool? A titty. A hamburger perhaps. Certain chick’s buttholes. In my hierarchy of what looks good, a plastic leaf is not really high on my list. The worst part about it is that most people nowadays just rock them because everyone else has one or they think that it makes them “JDM”.
What’s even worse is that these things have caught on so much that they even have their own knock-off versions. You got people making like vinyl sticker versions and even versions that are different color or like have the flag of the Phillipines on there or something. This shit is just getting way outta control. Not only that, but because of a ricer’s way of thinking, the whole JDM line has taken a crazy blow (be it a punch in the head or a line of crack). I remember when JDM was a prized possession. Now things have changed. The JDM Emblems have become a joke unless you have the engine balls to back them up. The JDM paint has become an exclusive color. (google: Top Secret Japan Gold Paint). And JDM has become a staple of Ricers United. So when you hear someone get called a JDM Fag, it’s the truth. While the whole fag part is not literal, but they might suck JDM’s Green, red, and yellow penis if they had the chance.
