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    Man Laws of Manliness

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    Huggy Bear
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    Man Laws of Manliness

    Post  Huggy Bear on Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:04 am

    We all know them. We all have our own. I have compiled a list of man laws that I think are pretty important to the proper conduct as a man. I welcome all to this thread in hopes that we can provide insight and a universal standard that we can agree upon. Please list your own and or make changes to the ones I have listed below. A woman’s input is highly encouraged, but you will be seen as a spy until we can prove otherwise. So tread softly. OK GO!


    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment you realize you had a chance with any mega hot celebrity.
    (c) After wrecking your boss' car.
    (d) When your new born stomps your crotch.
    (e) When Bruce Willis dies in Armageddon. (All the manly men in that movie cried when it happened. So can you)

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours if you are not sitting next to him.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 4 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the gonads. By peril I mean Death. You can live without an arm.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Your friends are your friends. Not your wife’s. Avoid all conversation about your friends that can not be ended with “he’s doing good” or “he’s not doing good”.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
    (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than 25 minutes. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an X box. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

    29: A man should never own a dog that he can kick more than five feet under his own power.

    30: Words that should never be spoken by a man.
    (a) Autumn (Fall or Football Season)
    (b) Any color not represented by the standard 8 i.e. Salmon, Lavender. Violet while in the standard 8, is considered Purple.

    31. The following individuals require all men to stand at the position of attention and render salutes and beer:
    Vance Flosenzier
    Aron Ralston
    Bear Grylls
    Chuck Norris
    Bruce Lee (But in the event he is unable to make the appearance such honors will be givin to close friends and Family)
    Ken Block

    32: Under no circumstances should a woman ever be given the remote control for the television. If nature calls then a man should hide the remote down the side of the sofa or take it with him to the loo.

    33: No man must ever ask for directions when lost.

    34: Monday Night Football should be a masculine holiday and should be celebrated by a feast of manly foods. NO FOOD IS UNHEALTHY DURING GAME TIME!
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    Supa Ninja
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    Re: Man Laws of Manliness

    Post  Supa Ninja on Fri Jul 03, 2009 1:24 pm

    awesome post

      Current date/time is Fri Dec 15, 2017 4:57 pm